20 Most Funny Harry Potter Quotes Even The Weasleys Would Love


The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling is one of the most beloved film and book series ever, mostly because it is full of lovable characters that play off one another with cheeky banter and quirky characteristics.

Despite its dark storyline about love conquering death (and with plenty of deaths along the way), the films find a way to surprise and delight, especially as their words are brought to life by wonderfully cast and top-tier actors.

While the overarching mysteries that drive the plot are riveting, the fun and whimsy of these magical characters keep everyone coming back to revisit these films year in and year out.

Here are the 20 best Harry Potter quotes that’ll even have the Weasleys buckle over laughing.

1. “She needs to sort out her priorities.”

Said by: Ron Weasley in the Sorcerer’s Stone (aka the Philosopher’s Stone) 

After the golden trio discovers Rubeus Hagrid’s pet Fluffy is the guardian of the Sorcerer’s Stone through a quick run-in with the three-headed beast, Hermione decides she’d better go to bed before they come up with another brilliant plan to get them killed… or worse, expelled!

Ron replies, “She needs to sort out her priorities.” This is one of the best quotes in the Harry Potter series.

2. “I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that.”

Said by: Hagrid in the Philosopher’s Stone

When the trio tries to learn more about Fluffy, the three-headed dog, they go to Hagrid for help.

Being the honest and good-hearted giant, Hagrid accidentally revealed Fluffy’s backstory and immediately caught himself.

Of course, he gets deadly serious and tries to tell the kids not to meddle anymore… and then, not even a minute later, catches himself revealing more information! Classic Hagrid and one of his best lines…

3. “How’d it go?”

Said by: Molly and Arthur Weasley in The Chamber of Secrets

After Ron springs Harry from the Dursleys and brings him home to the Weasleys in his dad’s enchanted car, Molly Weasley says this to try to inform him of his son’s transgressions.

Mrs. Weasley: “Your sons flew that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.”

Mr. Weasley: “Did you really? How’d it go?”

Arthur doesn’t get the hint and is more impressed than anything. It’s genius acting by both of these talented actors.

4. “It’s an odd sort of place, isn’t it? …Do you live here?”

Said by: Gilderoy Lockhart in Chamber of Secrets 

When Harry and Ron catch the lying teacher, Gilderoy Lockhart, about to flee the school, they force him to help them stop the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets.

But when he takes advantage of everyone’s fall down the tunnel and steals Ron’s wand, his plan backfires (because Ron’s wand backfires), and he ends up “obliviating” his memories.

5. “Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother?”

Said by: Fred Weasley in The Sorcerer’s Stone

So we know Fred and George would laugh at this one since they said it!

When Molly Weasley tries to direct her sons through the hidden doorway on Platform 9 and 3/4, they give her a hard time over who’s who.

6. “Boom! ….I’ve always wanted to use that spell.”

Said by: Professor McGonagall in Deathly Hallows Part 2

When Neville is stunned that Professor McGonagall wants him to blow the bridge from Hogwarts to the dark forest, he takes extra care to ensure she knows what he’s asking her.

Played with magnificent glee by Maggie Smith, she can’t help but have great fun confirming his concerns.

This last line is genius because, as fans of the series know, Seamus Finnigan is always blowing himself up with some magic spell or another throughout the series.

Keeping the fun going, McGonagall goes ahead with the defenses and uses an epic spell to defend the castle.

7. “That felt good!”

Said by: Hermione Granger in Prisoner of Azkaban

When Hermione, Ron, and Harry come across Draco Malfoy on their way to try to stop the execution of the Hippogriff Buckbeak, Malfoy shows up to gloat in their face.

He was the one who called his daddy Lucius to get Buckbeak killed, after all.

Hermione can’t handle it and almost curses him – but decides on a better punishment for him instead.

Check out the Best Harry Potter Inspirational Quotes here.

8. “Ya, you and whose army?”

Said by: Neville Longbottom in Deathly Hallows Part 2

When Lord Voldemort’s army, commanded by the Death Eaters, comes to the bridge of Hogwarts to try to cross, some of them get vaporized by the shields protecting it.

Neville gets a little too stoked to see them fail, and it, of course, comes back to bite him in the butt when the shields fall.

9. “You might not like him, Minister, but you can’t deny… Dumbledore’s got style.”

Said by: Kingsley Shacklebolt in Order of the Phoenix

When the Minister of Magic comes to Hogwarts to confront Albus Dumbledore about his “secret army” (that Harry created) and take him away for subordination, Professor Dumbledore makes his great escape, stunning everyone in the room.

After catching their breath, Kingsley says what everyone’s thinking. It’s cheesy but hilarious.

10. “All she wants to do is snog me… my lips are getting chapped, look!”

Said by: Ron Weasley in The Half Blood Prince 

After Ron becomes the Quidditch hero of Gryffindor’s house, he ends up dating the “ultra-attentive” Lavender Brown.

When he and Harry are trying to have a serious conversation on the train, she shows up and blows some air on the cabin window to draw a heart.

It’s a painfully drawn-out process, which, of course, makes it hilarious. After that, Ron says this line to Harry.

11. “There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class!”

Said by: Professor Snape in The Philosopher’s Stone

Professor Severus Snape seems pissed and already tired of teaching a bunch of first-year students when the kids first encounter him as their potion-making teacher.

Making magical potions isn’t viewed as sexy by the students as waving a wand around and creating lightning or levitating things.

Snape knows this and commands the respect of the whole class from the moment he enters the classroom.

12. “Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon….”

Said by: Hermione in Order of the Phoenix

Harry is very confused by Cho Chang’s on-again, off-again interest in him after their first kiss becomes strange, so Hermione tries to explain it to him and does so quite eloquently.

13. “Seriously misunderstood creatures, spiders are. It’s the eyes, I reckon; they unnerve some folk.”

Said by: Harry Potter in The Half Blood Prince 

When Harry and Professor Slughorn visit Hagrid’s hut, they find Hagrid’s old friend, Aragog, dead by the side of a grave.

Hagrid is about to have a funeral for Harry’s former nemesis, but Slughorn thinks Hagrid killed it without knowing the context.

Hagrid isn’t offended; he knows he’s alone in his love for his old friend.

Harry tries to chime in, but because Harry’s had a bit of liquid luck, he’s a little “on one” and takes the moment hilariously too far. Then, they proceed to have a spider funeral!

14. “Well, Hermione, you’re a girl.”

Said by: Ron in Goblet of Fire 

Ron and Harry start to feel the pressure of the Yule ball after they find out even Neville Longbottom has a date for the dance. Unfortunately, they are in the middle of an exam when they make this discovery, so Professor Snape constantly hovers above them.

Ron then turns to Hermione in his blunt attempt to ask her to the dance. And Hermione, of course, responds with one more of her sassy comebacks:

Ron: “Well, Hermione, you’re a girl.”

Hermione: “Well Spotted!”

Snape looms above, and as Ron makes his “big romantic gesture,” he gets bonked by Snape – again! The whole scene is brilliant.

15. “For those of you who haven’t taken Polyjuice potion before, fair warning: it tastes like goblin piss.”

Said by: Fred Weasley in Deathly Hallows Part 1

When the Order of the Phoenix decides to help Harry escape to the Weasleys for a haven, they all agree to take a Polyjuice potion, turning them into Harry’s doppelganger.

Mad-Eye Moody, a no-nonsense Auror, warns everyone that it will taste bad and uses an unfortunate simile.

16. “Obviously…

Said by: Severus Snape in Order of the Phoenix

Not well-known for his one-liners, Potions Professor Severus Snape rarely gets to crack. But somehow, he finds his opportunity when someone he loathes worse than he takes over the school—Professor Umbridge.

As the Minister’s mole, she is in charge of ensuring Hogwarts complies with the Ministry’s every whim. So when she questions Snape about his position in the school, he isn’t amused in the slightest—which is where this great comedic beat comes into play.

If Snape can make Ron laugh, you know he’s said something funny. Of course, Snape doesn’t think it’s as funny as Ron does.

17. “It’s no joke! I’m in love with her!” “All right, fine, you’re in love with her, but have you ever actually met her?”

Said by: Ron and Harry in Half-Blood Prince 

When Ron accidentally snuck a love potion intended for Harry, he becomes madly and obsessively “in love” with a classmate named Romilda Vane.

This is because she intended for Harry to eat the chocolates with the love potion inside and then see a picture of her. Since Ron never met Romilda, Harry had to ask the obvious.

Only then does he realize Ron might be “out of his depth” here.

18. “Mooorning.”

Said by: George Weasley in Deathly Hallows Part 1 

When Harry and Ginny have an intimate moment alone to show their love for each other, it’s interrupted by George Weasley, who can’t help but play the moment for a laugh and intimidate Harry in his big brother role.

George is more joking than not, but Harry is quite intimidated after the painfully awkward and drawn-out moment.

19.”What is this I’m eating, by the way?” “Dragon balls.”

Said by: Harry and Connor McLaggen in Half Blood Prince.

While Ron and Lavender Brown hit off after Ron’s Quidditch win, Hermione has to fend off the advances of Connor McLaggen, who is part of Slughorn’s “Slug Club.”

While Hermione entertains it for a little while to make Ron jealous, Connor is relentless. So she needs Harry’s help to get away from him at Slughorn’s Christmas party, where this brilliant scene comes into play.

20. “Why is it when something happens, it’s always you three?”

Said by: Professor McGonagall in The Half Blood Prince 

After Katie Bell is cursed by the evil necklace in The Halfblood Prince, Professor McGonagall questions the golden trio with this ironic, self-aware line about Harry, Ron, and Hermoine always being at the center of the school’s dramatic happenings.

This is a call out to the narrative necessity of the heroes to be at the genre’s center. Ron’s reply is genius:

Ron Weasley: “Believe me professor, I’ve been asking myself the same question for six years.”

Up Next: Best Hermione Quotes from Harry Potter movies

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